I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want a musical about memes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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