erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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