I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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