Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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