You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
