I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
