thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
