Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
