but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
