Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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