third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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