I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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