I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
