he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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