if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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