so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
