I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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