I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
