I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
