In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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