Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
