I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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