Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
