I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
