Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
