Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
