Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
