but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
