In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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