I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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