I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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