i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
