I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
