Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
