living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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