I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
