I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
