I accidentally burped into my bong.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
