my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
