Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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