I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
