i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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