you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
