I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
