do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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