Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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