i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
