im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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