I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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