I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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