so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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