Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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