Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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