I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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