One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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