we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
