Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
