Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
