K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
