Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
