4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
