I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
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Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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