dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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