hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
