My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think my moral compass just broke
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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