This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
