So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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