I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we're making bets on your personal life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
