i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
