The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
