I wish my penis had an off switch
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
