u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
