I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
