getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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